Hi everyone! Sam here. At first I thought it'd be boring to tell you about my day because I've already lived it so why go through things twice? Seems a bit tedious to me. But it's come to my attention that the phrase "it's a dog's life" which used to mean dogs had tough lives now means dogs have easy lives and let me tell you I am here to set the record straight! I work just as hard as you humans, you all just don't always appreciate my efforts.
Anyway. Fridays Bran wakes me up at 7 am when she opens the kitchen window. But she's nice and she opens the one over the sink and not the one across from my bed because the windows face East and that way I don't get blinded in the morning, I get to wake up nice and easy. Anyway then Bran takes the gate down and usually I don't want to get up yet so I roll over and Bran rubs my tummy for a few minutes. It's a great way to wake up and all you people who don't like mornings I suggest you start them with belly rubs and then see how you feel about it.
Anyway then she takes me out to go potty which I do while she walks down to the road to get the paper. I suspect that eventually she'll start trying to get me to fetch the paper but fat chance of that. Morning is prime time for eating the worms off the driveway and I am not giving up my pre-breakfast snack to go fetch some stupid paper.
Usually on the way back to the house she'll say the magic words "Do you want your supper?" which is SUCH a stupid question because OF COURSE I want my supper. Apparently for Bran supper means breakfast and dinner but whatever as long as I get fed I'm not gonna correct her. So she gives me fresh water and my breakfast-supper and goes back inside and I eat my supper and then start my day.
Me in my office in the garage
Now, it used to be I'd spent the 7-11am hours in my office to get some good work done for the day. As you can see, my office offers a great view of the recycle bin, which is where I get most of my work done. Newspapers, water bottles, boxes, beer bottles--I take each one out of the bin and spread them around the garage and the yard in beautiful lovely patterns. And of course I chew them a bit too because cardboard boxes are my FAVORITE and they always say when you love what you do for work it's not a job it's a passion. And let me tell you, I am passionate about recycling.
When that's done I usually sniff around for Dad's stuff, because he leaves it in the garage to dry when it's all sweaty so it smells GREAT. I'll usually pull his shirt down and roll in it a bit and then play with the ankle weights he uses to walk in. And then when that's done if I'm still feeling productive I'll pull down my leashes off the old desk where they're kept and maybe pull a few trash bags out of the box by the cans.
That's what I used to do anyway until Bran finally started shutting me out of the garage in the mornings so now I can't get in to my office until the afternoon. So what I do instead is sometimes I'll do some excavating behind the air-conditioner but it's tough because the angle of the dig always gets dirt in my water bowl. I really have to take up that issue with the foreman or something, I should be able to get my digging done without muddying up my own water supply.
If I get bored of excavating I'll make my rounds to visit the neighboring ladies. Usually Zoe will say hi to me (she's a boxer) and sometimes her friend Sadie (a pit bull) will come over too. Zoe's real nice and she plays with me but Sadie plays hard to get. She growls at me like she doesn't want to play but then when I leave her alone she follows me! So who's chasing who Sadie that's what I want to know.
Me with Zoe when I was 10 weeks old. Me and my girl go way back
On the other side I'll go visit Nelly who's a French mastiff which means she slobbers a lot. Usually after playing with her I get big loogies all over me and Bran has to wipe them off with a towel. Nelly lives with Tango who's a bull mastiff but we're not allowed to play together because Tango can be territorial and Bran doesn't want us together. I mean, yeah Tango's 250 pounds, but he's also 9 years old and I'm pretty sure I could outrun him. Plus Nelly likes me and she'd put in a good word for me to him. But whatever.
So after visiting the ladies I'll scout for more worms around the pool and some days I'll take a swim if it's hot. Then usually I'll go lay down by the garage until Bran opens it and I can get in to my office.
So that's what I did this morning which Bran always acts so surprised when she lets me in at 11 and I'm wet from the pool. Duh, of course I'm gonna go swimming when it starts to get hot, what kind of working conditions do you think I have? Maybe I should get OSHA involved. Which I think means Other dogS Have Air-conditioning but I'm not sure about that.
Probably whoever makes the child labor laws should be notified too.
Here I am at the office at only 10 weeks old! And look at
all the recyclables to get through on my first day!
Here I am at the office at only 10 weeks old! And look at
all the recyclables to get through on my first day!
So I got to chill out in the kitchen for a little bit this morning and Bran gave me a treat after I did some tricks, and let me tell you this performing on command stuff is tough work. But I ace it and she gives me a weird shaped treat that I'm supposed to chew real slow to clean my gums but I down it in under five minutes because I'm such an overachiever. But the downside to finishing so quick is that you get extra work if you do so Bran gave me a toy filled with kibbles that she needed me to empty. So I spent the next hour working on that.
Step One
Step Two
Anyway Bran had to go out for a few hours in the afternoon and because it was so hot outside I got to stay in the kitchen while she was out which was great because I got to stay in the air conditioning and lay on the cool tiles and chew my rawhide. So I did that and took a nap for a few hours until she came back, and then I went with her and helped her unload the car by climbing in the backseat (you gotta be prepared, you never know when there might be a car trip; I've gotten to go on unplanned rides to Blockbuster and the dry cleaners' using these stealth tactics). And then it was starting to storm so she made me go potty before it started raining too hard and then I got to come back in again.
On rainy days when I'm inside I do different work than my job in the garage, because I'm a multi-talented dogger and I'm working my way toward a promotion. So while Bran ate her lunch I sat real good by her chair and waited because I used to jump up and whine but then I'd get thrown outside or made to sit in the corner so now I sit and wait real nice and sometimes I'll get a treat. This time Bran had Moe's so when she was done I got to lick the leftover cheese out of her queso cup which was SO GOOD.
Got any more?
And of course after she was done I had to check to make sure there wasn't any food left on the table because these humans can be tricky and I pride myself on being thorough. There wasn't any but there were some napkins with crumbs on them which I tried to eat but Bran took them away from me like a total killjoy.
Zombie-Sam wants your naaaapkiiiinssss....
So anyway after that I brought her one of my toys to get some fetch work in, which is arguably the most important work I do. So Bran threw the toy for me all around the kitchen and I got to fetch it which really is not as easy as it looks. You have to watch to see where the toy goes and then run over there without slipping on the tile and then bring it back. That's a lot of steps involved. But then again I'm a bit of a wunderkind so I do a good job anyway.
Eventually I get tired of having to keep giving the toy back to Bran so I make the transition into tug-of-war instead. This is another important bit of work I do because it measures my strength compared to Bran's. And trust me, once I start winning, things are gonna change around here. But for now I'm biding my time.
The slippery tile gives Bran an unfair advantage
Anyway after we played tug-of-war it was getting close to four o'clock so Bran shut me in the kitchen and left to change clothes or something I dunno, but when I let myself out of the kitchen through the dining room and followed her she made me go outside. Which it was raining by then so she opened the garage so I wouldn't be stuck in the rain and could access my office.
The great thing about my office is that it's really comfortable so I hang out there a lot even when I'm not working. But since it wasn't five yet I still had to work so I sat in my office and watched the street from the garage (which my office has a great view of) to keep tabs on everything. Which I mean I've never guarded the yard per se but I do like to know when people are going by so I can get some free ear rubs in.
Multi-tasking: relaxing while serving as a watchdog
So anyway at five o'clock my workday was done which was good because it was an exhausting day so I took a nap in my office which I will resume as soon as I finish telling you about my day. Usually after work I get to play some outside fetch and go on a walk and get ear rubs from the neighbors who walk Sandy the golden retriever by our yard. And if Bran goes swimming I'll go swimming with her and if she gets the big green ball out I'll play with that to brush up on my soccer skills. Which technically I don't have any hands and there's no rules in soccer about not using your mouth so I think I'm technically a master of the sport. Then before second supper Bran goes over all my tricks and tries to teach me new ones which right now I'm learning to put my toys in a basket without eating the basket which is tough work, let me tell you. It's a good thing I'm so smart because this is like AP Dog Tricks or something.
So that's my workday more or less, so no more saying how you'd love to be a dog because dogs get to do nothing all day. I definitely got some good work in today and unlike you humans I don't take breaks on weekends I work every day. Plus I have night school when I learn new tricks before second supper so I do work AND I learn stuff so what about that? If I got to sit in an office all day like you people do I'd have it easy, let me tell you. So there you have it, my Friday. I'm going to go finish my nap now because I have EARNED it.
Thanks, Sam. Go back to sleep. I'd rather you be asleep than "working"...
P.S. Sam neglected to mention that sometimes when Sadie and Zoe are near or people go by while he's in his "office," he attempts to entice them with his version of a "come hither" pose. Behold Sexy Sam:
Here's lookin' at you, ladies
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