The Celebrated Jumping Dog of Duval County

Sam has been a jumper from day one.

First jump caught on camera

And not the reaching-up-and-putting-paws-on-you half-jump. No, that's for sissies. Sam jumps with all four feet in the air, launching his prodigious bulk skyward and a stunning velocity.

Early jumping

He runs and launches himself and Dad and me, flinging himself into our sides with reckless abandon, not caring where his inertia takes him, only concerned with making a tackle.

Completely airborne

He lunges over fences after me, jumps up into barbecue grills, flies into the pool. I wouldn't be surprised if the vet took an X-ray and found metal springs (the kind those Tempur-pedic commercials are always bashing) instead of femurs. The dog is an aerial menace.

Today and yesterday, Sam's jumping seems to have taken a sinister turn. I swear he's trying to do me in. Yesterday I was rollerblading down the driveway on my way out to the street, and Sam launched himself at me, completely airborne. Out of self-preservation I threw out my hands to block his tackle, and he ended up pushed backward on the ground and I ended up pushed backward on my butt.

An approximation of what I saw flying at me (but with less bubbles)

Today, Sam's tried to kill me twice. First was in the pool, where Sam is usually a good jumper from the steps, but will not jump in from the side without a lot of barking and pacing first to psych himself up. I threw his water toy out of the pool so he'd get out and I could swim out to the middle safely. Halfway to his toy, Sam heard me push off, pulled an abrupt about-face, and catapulted his 65-lb self a good ten feet across the pool to land straight on my head. Luckily I saw him coming--and talk about your life flashing before your eyes, seeing this giant airborne Lab with his ears like plane wings and his bear paws outstretched--and I turned and ducked so he didn't break my neck.

This is terrifying when YOU are the target

Fast forward a few hours to Sam's evening walk. Usually we walk and jog around the neighborhood, and then on the way back, I let him loose once we get to our neighbor's fence so he can run along it with Zoe, the boxer next door. Today other people were walking nearby, so I didn't want to let Sam loose in case he switched his attention from Zoe and greeted the other walkers without the restraint of a leash. Evidently Sam didn't get this memo, however, and out of nowhere hurled himself across the ditch toward Zoe's fence. The force of it yanked my arm out and I dropped the leash and stumbled to the side, while Sam, whose trajectory had encountered the unexpected resistance of my shoulder socket, performed an interesting sort of double-axel and landed in the middle of the ditch.

There's no lasting damage to either of us, but this jumping business has got to stop. Sam's getting too big to continue to jump with such recklessness. I'm trying to channel it into dockdiving, since I'm fairly certain Sam would be awesome at it and have a blast doing so, but as of now, I'm initiating a blanket ban on jumping. Sorry Sam.